Talk To Me

These words could easily be the title of a movie – oh wait – that was a movie in 2007 – about an ex-con disc jockey. Never saw it? Me neither.

Or this could be a theme for a Taylor Swift country song – or maybe the country version is You Don’t Talk To Me. Movies… songs… actually it could be the title of a couples marriage restoration retreat. Ouch – now we’re hitting close to home.

But honestly – this is about business and the way we communicate as managers, front line workers, executives, peers, subordinates, customers, clients, vendors, union members et al. Or maybe like the country version, it’s how we don’t communicate.

Not too long ago I was working with a client and talking to a bright, energetic employee – we’ll call her Becca. She is a high performer, loves her company, and is often assigned challenging projects to help the company get better. But despite all this, she was still very frustrated. In particular she saw her manager making poor decisions, not because he was stupid or didn’t know the business, but because he wouldn’t ask anyone their thoughts before moving forward with orders. And of course some of those orders were directives from above. “Don’t dare question those…”

I can’t tell you how often we see this. Here are the orders – now be good soldiers and execute them. Sounds reasonable; and it is certainly the way we often see things in a union shop – everything by the book. Don’t ask me anything. Don’t tell me anything. No discussions. No feedback. No lip. Just do it! That’s what you get paid for.

Unfortunately when teams operate like this, they miss so many opportunities. The opportunity to anticipate issues that might come up; the chance to modify the orders so the results are better; the opportunity to make sure this is the right thing to do, and not only the right thing, but the right time. Been there? Sure you have.

More importantly, by discussing plans you can gain buy-in from the team. I haven’t forgotten when we hired a former Rear Admiral from the Navy, Mack Gaston, who made a point that even with his high rank in the Navy he needed his subordinates to buy into his directions and orders. If that is the case in a military organization, that constantly pounds home the importance of following orders, imagine how critical it is in your organization.

Back to Becca. Too often we find ourselves crying, whining, calling foul and I’m sure it is most often justified. But what we need to do is not just continue to bombard our peers, subordinates or bosses with “one off” complaints and/or “suggestions”, but take the time to put together a well thought out discussion of issues that might be handled differently or suggestions that might make the entire organization more effective. And here is the hard part – put them in writing and read them. Read them from your perspective, from the recipient’s perspective, and from a third party’s perspective. If you were the recipient, would you want to hear this? Is it in a tone that is team building or does it rip all past decisions to pieces? Would it be viewed as thoughtful? Tactful? Or is it just a cheap shot or a chance to “get it off my chest”? I bet you know people who characterize themselves as being so honest (like you aren’t?) that they have to tell you just the way they see it. I can’t stand it when someone says “I need to warn you – some people don’t like me because I am so honest and forthright that I call ‘em the way I see ‘em with no sugar coating…”  Sort of like the guy that said he would be perfect if he wasn’t so humble. I don’t buy it.

Now I hope I am viewed as being as honest as the day is long, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a responsibility in how and what I communicate. Remember the movie “Liar, Liar”? It was funny, but it is clear we can’t just blurt out all of our thoughts. We need to massage them, mature them and then determine is this something that should be shared and if so, with whom and how? So be thoughtful, tactful and constructive and your message is more likely to be heard and well received.

And lest you think this is all about communicating with your boss such as in Becca’s case, this message needs to be heeded even more so when we are communicating to people who work with us, for us, or are our customers. In today’s challenging environment we need to minimize our mistakes and maximize our successes.

So when you are in a hurry to get something done, stop and take the time to think about who you need to communicate with, what it is they should know or be asked, when this should happen (not at the last minute) and be prepared to listen?

You might find out that by slowing down you get to the finish line sooner.